Change (As Opposed to “The Change”)

I ended up not being able to get my blog post published last night because I was talking to my friend Linda for so long. We hadn’t had a chance to catch up for awhile, so it was worth talking into the night. I was telling her about how stressed and busy I’ve been. She asked a few questions about what I was doing that was adding all the extra stress to my life right now. When, all of a sudden, the conversation took an unexpected turn, and I found myself telling her how I really have not been myself since my dog died. If there is anything that can cause people to nod their heads in understanding, it is telling them I’m an empty nester and/or telling them my dog of 13 ½ years died. She was so sympathetic and understanding. I told her through tears that I believe that my grief is causing me to not be myself. For instance, I have been doing stupid things, and mostly in front of folks who don’t know me very well. I can’t seems to be “off my game” in front of people who actually know I’ve got game to begin with, nope. I have to be a wreck or an airhead in front of acquaintances. It’s so annoying. So, while I did not feel particularly unhappy last night, I still managed to have an “I miss Chip and change is not easy” moment, which may have actually lasted a little longer than a moment. I remember Gina telling me, with regard to being an empty nester, “It’s a process.” And, so it is.

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